


In the Beginning: Weakness

by CaptainCat



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Universe, Clexa, F/F, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:49:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCat/pseuds/CaptainCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Tomorrow Lexa will tell herself that she didn’t feel anything when she weaved her way between the buildings of TonDC. It’ll be a lie, of course. A lie that she will repeat to herself over and over until she believes it to be true.</i>
</p><p>The story of Clarke and Lexa's first time. Canon setting, AU event. Following their first kiss (2x14).</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Beginning: Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> *Please note that this fic is rated explicit for a reason. This should be considered 18+ due to sexual content.*
> 
> At the moment this is simply a one-shot. It may transform into a larger project should my Lexa muse corporate. Also, general heads up that this is my first time publishing something with smut. Hopefully you don't feel as awkward reading it as I did writing it ;)
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated. Happy reading!

Tomorrow Lexa will tell herself that she didn’t feel anything when she weaved her way between the buildings of TonDC. She’ll tell herself that the moonlight illuminating her path to the _skaikru'_ s dwellings was only moonlight, and did nothing to remind her of Clarke. It’ll be a lie, of course. A lie that she will repeat to herself over and over until she believes it to be true, like some sort of ritual prayer whispered by an elder.

Lexa doesn't like to pray. Praying is something she leaves to the _trikru_ ’s elders and children. When she was young Anya would force her to murmur prayers to the stars each night, while Anya herself would recite lists of thanks and wants to the river, as if she believed that something in the water would heal her wounds and protect her spirit. Lexa would watch her pray; watch her try to wash away the weaknesses that came from having people in her life whom she loved.

Lexa still remembers her first weakness: Costia. Black hair and skin, a strong smile, and the warmest laugh Lexa had ever heard. Today, the thought of Costia still makes Lexa feel weak.

Lexa wonders if this weakness, this yearning to love, has always been a part of her. She wonders, if perhaps it has been curled around her since infancy, like an invisible question mark. As she reaches the tent of a sleeping Clarke she realizes it’s a question she still doesn’t know the answer to. All she knows is that here, in the darkness of Clarke’s doorway, she’s started to pray. Begging the stars, and the moon, and the river, and the trees to absolve her from the weakness that is Clarke Griffin.

Clarke opens the door and Lexa can’t help but forget her prayers. She stares at Clarke, whose hair looks silver in the moonlight. How could anyone stay strong around someone so beautiful?

“Lexa.” Her name leaves Clarke’s lips in the form of a sigh. There’s no question in the greeting, and Lexa is certain that Clarke knows why she is there.

“Clarke.” She says the name in return, speaking with the same strength she uses during the daylight hours. The corner to Clarke’s lips turn upward, her smile resembling the shape of a waxing moon. “Sleep is not my friend tonight.”

Clarke nods in response, moving away from the doorway to allow Lexa entrance. Clarke’s tent is larger than the rest of the _Skaikru_ 's, a detail that Lexa ensured when the _Skaikru_ made camp in TonDC. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clarke asks. She is standing close enough for Lexa to touch. Instead Lexa places a hand on the knife that is strapped to her own leg and the other on the rabbit’s foot that resides inside her pocket.

“I didn’t want to dishonor you. And tonight I seek only to talk.” Lexa knows that Clarke speaks of the kiss they shared that day. Mid-argument Lexa had pressed her lips to Clarke’s. Mid-kiss Clarke had pressed her lips back.

“You didn’t dishonor me.” There is a nervousness in Clarke’s voice. 

“I would never disrespect your wishes, Clarke.” Lexa’s words closes the space between them as she speaks. A hand finds its way to Clarke’s chin, where Lexa’s fingers gently tilt Clarke's face upwards. Determined eyes meet her gaze, and Lexa can't help but lick her lips as her mouth goes dry.

“What if I wish you weren't here to only talk?”

Clarke’s words take Lexa by surprise. Lexa knows that tomorrow she’ll try to convince herself that they didn't mean anything. She’ll hide her weakness behind war paint and frustration. But for tonight, Clarke’s words mean the world to her.

Suddenly Clarke is placing her forehead against Lexa’s. She’s unsure what it is that Clarke wants, but Lexa is ready to give her whatever it might be.

Clarke touches her nose to Lexa’s in a way that's similar to how Lexa rubbed her nose against Clarke's during their kiss that day.

They stay like that, noses and foreheads touching, for what feels like years and only seconds all at once. In this moment Lexa understands why Anya prayed to the moving river. The stillness surrounding her and the sky girl is almost too heavy for Lexa. Her heart is pounding, and breathing is uneven.

Before Lexa has a chance to ask Clarke what she wants from her if not to talk, Clarke’s lips are pressed to hers. They’re kissing in a way that Lexa has only ever dreamed of kissing another person. They press into each other, mouths hastily trying to express the lust that has been building for months. It feels amazing. Lexa is elated as her hands wander down Clarke's back, the feeling of the sky girl against her making her shiver.

As amazing as the kiss is, Lexa can't help but feel like something terrible is supposed to happen now. Something heartbreaking. After all, they’re being weak. Surely the Gods will punish them. Lightning will strike or the Ice Queen’s laugh will break the beautiful silence of Clarke’s tent. But none of those things happens. They continue to kiss until Clarke pulls back for a moment, eventually changing the direction of their kiss as her head tilts to the side and her fingers make their way to Lexa’s braids.

Lexa’s hands slide to Clarke’s waist and there’s a whimper. _Is it hers? Clarke’s?_ Lexa is unsure; Everything about them is tangled together. They’re rocking against each other, Lexa’s steady feet barely keeping them upright as they move. Their kisses are faster now, and Lexa finds her heart racing as Clarke’s lips leave hers and move to her neck. The sky girl is leaving a trail of warm kisses against her skin, and Lexa is certain that she’s forgotten how to breathe. She pulls backwards for a moment, trying to catch her breath.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispers, immediately pulling away. She sounds panicked and remorseful.

“No.” Lexa replies. Her voice is firm. She debates if she should tell her of how she daydreams about blonde hair and blue eyes. How she spends the moments before she drifts into sleep thinking about Clarke’s voice. How she has wanted nothing more than to feel Clarke’s lips against her own since the day they met. Leaning forward she places a gentle kiss on swollen lips. There’s no need for an apology.  

“Can we… Can I…” Clarke is stumbling over words. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Always.”

Clarke’s mouth catches Lexa’s lower lip. The sensation leaves Lexa’s head spinning once more. There’s a feeling in her lower abdomen that is all too familiar.

 She slips her hand under the material of Clarke’s shirt, her fingers sliding over warm skin – “Is this okay?” Lexa asks. The feeling of soft skin comes second to Clarke’s comfort. She needs for Clarke to want her touch.

“Very.” Clarke responds between kisses, making Lexa smile against her lips. She fights to keep her breathing steady as Clarke’s lips trail back down her neck, but she fails. Her breath hitches as the sky girl begins to suck on the skin just below her earlobe. Lexa is convinced that there is a goddess at her neck and fireflies swirling in her stomach.

Yet as the ecstasy elevates, Lexa's guilt finds its way back to her. She knows that come first light she'll see this for the weakness it is. “I think that I should go,” She says, her lips raw as she speaks. Somehow her hands have found Clarke’s. Their fingers entwine and they stand holding hands for a moment.

“You don’t have to,” Clarke says. Her voice is steady, but Lexa can hear the unspoken words. _I want you to stay._

“But today you said that you were not ready for this.”

“I lied,” Clarke replies without hesitation, her body leaning against Lexa’s in a way that confirms her words are now true. A sigh of relief escapes Lexa, and she responds to Clarke's proximity by sliding her arms around Clarke's hips.

“Lying is wrong, Clarke,” Lexa says. Her tone is playful, teasing.

“So is waking someone up for sex.” Clarke is quick witted and clever, which Lexa appreciates. However, in this moment, Lexa is more appreciative of the darkness of the tent, as she can feel her face redden.

“Perhaps you will allow me to make it up to you," She whispers, placing a light bite to the nape of Clarke's neck. Clarke shudders in a way that makes Lexa's knees feel weak.

Lexa grabs her hand. She pulls Clarke towards the bed, pushing her backwards onto a pile of furs before crawling over her. Lithe and graceful, it takes no time for Lexa to straddle her, one leg falling to either side of Clarke’s waist. She enjoys this view of Clarke, with the sky girl lying beneath her, blonde hair fanned out behind her head, and lust filled eyes meeting her gaze. Lexa can't help but think she would enjoy the view more if Clarke's clothing wasn't in the way.

A simple tug on Clarke's shirt followed by a nod confirms that it’s acceptable for Lexa to undress her, to which Lexa wastes no time. Her fingers stumble only slightly over the unfamiliar material of Clarke's clothing, and she is able to remove each article of clothing from Clarke slowly, her mouth growing dry at the nakedness of the sky girl. 

Time collapses, and by the Clarke is completely naked Lexa has stopped thinking about weakness and lightning and Ice Queens. All she can think about is the way Clarke’s body feels beneath hers.

Lexa bends forward to taste the milky skin of Clarke’s collarbone, pressing a gentle kiss to her sky warrior. Slowly, another follows it, this time to Clarke’s breast. Clarke’s skin smells like the forest and tastes of salt, as small beads of sweat cover her body. Lexa’s lips cannot get enough, and she finds herself crawling lower and lower, her kisses trailing from Clarke’s chest to abdomen to thighs.

Before she knows it, Lexa is kneeling between Clarke’s legs. With one hand on each of Clarke’s thighs, Lexa looks up. “May I?” She asks. Clarke’s response comes in the form of a slow nod, but Lexa remains still. She needs to hear Clarke say it.

“Yes.”

In that moment Lexa thinks that _yes_ is the most beautiful word she's ever heard. Excitedly, she presses a soft kiss to Clarke’s knee. There are light blonde hairs covering the sky girl’s skin, paired with bruises that Lexa is certain come from living in the forest, but will nevertheless remember to ask about later.

She continues to run her mouth up Clarke’s thigh, hesitating for only a moment before she lowers herself further, lifting Clarke’s left leg so that it drapes over her shoulder. Slowly, she leans downwards and runs her tongue along the slit of skin between Clarke's legs, her mouth so firmly against Clarke that the girls is all Lexa can taste. 

Lexa's hands are grasped firmly around Clarke’s hips, allowing her to feel the arch of the sky girl’s back with each moan she lets out. She can't help but get lost in the moment.

Eventually Clarke begins to moan, her body withering back and forth with each breath. She lets a simple cry of “Lexa” escape her lips. Lexa can’t help but think she could listen to Clarke say her name forever.

Gracefully, Lexa brings her hand into the mix.Two of her fingers slide easily into Clarke, and after a moment her thumb extends outwards to replace the work her mouth had been doing. Lexa’s fingers move in a steady rhythm: soft and slow at first, then firmer, with her thumb making fast circles with each stroke. 

Clarke’s hip buckle in a way that tells Lexa she likes the rhythm. With her mouth no longer preoccupied, Lexa is able to sit upwards before extending herself over Clarke. Her eyes take in every inch of the blonde as does so, and she can’t help but enjoy the view of Clarke’s body squirming because of her touch. She looks so beautiful with her head titled backwards, eyes closed, and her body completely exposed.

Clarke’s hips begin to thrust in a way that makes Lexa throb between her knees. It's so strong that Lexa thinks she may as well be touching herself. 

“Don’t stop,” Clarke pants, her back arching upwards as she shudders and lets out a small cry. Her entire body is now rolling in heavy waves. Lexa leans down to kiss her, continuing the rhythm with her fingers as she does so.

Clarke's hands are gripping her shoulders now, short nails digging into her skin. Clarke lets out another moan of "Lexa", making Lexa feel proud and flustered all at once.

Eventually Clarke’s body softens and settles. Lexa’s fingers slow to stillness before she slides them out of Clarke, pressing a gentle kiss to Clarke's forehead as she does so. 

“That felt so good,” Clarke says after a moment. Her breathing returns to normal as she opens her eyes.

Lexa smiles softly before moving to lie down beside her. Gently, she drapes her arm around Clarke’s waist and pulls Clarke closer to her. Lexa's body is wrapped around Clarke’s, with Clarke’s back pressed against her chest, and Lexa cannot help but think that all is right in the world.

Clarke ends their contended silence with a hesitant confession. “I had never... I mean, I had, with Finn, but not… I’ve never done something like that before.” There’s a heaviness to Clarke’s words that Lexa responds to by kissing her shoulder.  

“I’m glad that it was with you.” This time Clarke's words are warmer, softer. Lexa understands that _it_ means both Clarke’s first experience after losing Finn, and also her first time with another woman.

“I’m glad that it was me as well,” Lexa whispers, earning a small chuckle from Clarke, who turns around to look at her. 

There’s so much she wants to say to the sky girl, but the safety of nighttime silence is passing. For the first time since arriving at Clarke's tent, Lexa can hear morning birds singing outside of the tent, and the golden hue of the first light is shining through the thin fabric of their walls. It is a new day, and the promise of weakness and hurt has returned. Lexa feels her eyes glazing over, both with sorrow and exhaustion from a night without sleep, but she doesn’t allow herself to cry. Instead she places a final kiss to Clarke’s forehead before wrapping her arms around the sky girl and pulling her close to her.

Lexa runs gentle fingers over Clarke's back, enjoying the weight in her arms as Clarke drifts to sleep. Lexa wants desperately to join her in the realm of the dreaming, but she cannot empty her mind. She is trying to memorize Clarke in this moment. Everything from the way she feels in her arms to the way she smells.

As happy as she is with her beautiful sky girl sleeping in her arms, Lexa can't help but worry. She had foolishly thought that if she sated her weakness, gave into it for just a night, it might disappear. But as she lays in the morning light of Clarke’s tent she realizes that is not the case. The heaviness still resides inside of her, but this time it’s deeper. Her heart yearns for Clarke more than ever before, despite the fact that Lexa already has her in her arms. It's a longing that Lexa hasn't felt since Costia, and just like then, she doesn’t know how to make it stop.

This, Lexa realizes as a sleeping Clarke buries her face in Lexa's chest, is not the end of her weakness for  _Klark_   _kom skaikru_. It is only the beginning.


End file.
